ILENE ENGLISH with NORMA SAX
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1. What inspired you to write about your life in Hippie Chick: Coming of Age in the 60’s?
I kept seeing this girl on a road. It was as if I were looking down at her from above. I could see her trying to pull her life together, over and over again. She was tenacious, never giving up. I thought she was a cool girl. I wanted to tell her story, a story of resilience and transformation. For so much of my life I was alone and on my own. I had a need to be seen. I think it is part of the healing process. I also wanted to honor my sister who saved my life by giving me a hand when I needed one. She did that for me over and over again. I wanted to let readers know the value of having even just one person who cares enough not to let you get left behind. And one last reason, is because I think that the time period that I lived through just happened to be an amazing time and a great backdrop for my story.
2. How long did it take you to write?
I was in a writing group for years. That’s when I started writing down the memories and sharing some stories. But life kept getting in the way. We built a house, I became a grandmother, all good things. When I turned 70, I knew I needed to get serious if it was ever going to become a book. I found that I needed to be completely alone to drop down into the feelings enough to share at the level I wanted to share. You could say that I ran away from home. With full support of my partner, I rented an apartment in town promising to pay for it by continuing to work. Once alone, I really got to work. I wrote and re-wrote for the better part of three years.
3. Your book is rich in details of your past. How did you remember those details? Did you keep a journal that you consulted as you wrote?
I think the brain is like a muscle. The more you exercise it, the stronger it gets. I felt like that happened for me. My memories are so much more vivid than they were before I started this process. I did write in journals, but I didn’t really refer to them much. I think, though, that the act of writing my thoughts and feelings down at the time helped keep them alive.
4.) You stopped your book with the death of your friend/love Paul Bestler, which was quite a while ago. How did you decide to end your book when you did?
I had to stop because the book was getting too long. My publisher had a limit of 300 pages and mine is 344 pages. So that’s one reason. I ended the book when I began a whole new chapter of my life. I would love to share some of what has happened since this book, but not sure I want to spend another five or ten years of my life writing about it. But with all the interest I am getting from this book, I am considering it. One thing is that I think I could write a second book more quickly than I did the first. There were so many painful parts. That’s where I got snagged. I spent a lot of time feeling sad as I relived it all. The next book would not be sad. I experienced a lot of success as I moved forward.
5.) How did your memoir affect relationships you have with persons in the book who are still in your life?
Not sure yet. The book is just out. My daughter’s father might have some feelings about what I wrote about him, though I tried to be kind. My brother might, as well, though again, I tried not to alienate him. I changed the name of a couple of guys so I wouldn’t offend or out them. I didn’t want to get sued. My sister’s child, given up for adoption, did not appreciate being called ‘evangelical’. Politically speaking, that has become aligned with some deeply negative forces, and she didn’t like that I identified her as such. Some people are offended that they didn’t make it in the book. Again, there was so much more to share, but I needed to edit a lot. All in all, people seem to like the book and are happy to be mentioned in it.
6.) You became a therapist. How did your experience writing this book inform or affect how you approach your clients and vice-versa?
I think that my story greatly informed my work as a therapist. I’ve seen and done so much that nothing surprises me. I am able to maintain equanimity, understanding that everyone is doing their very best at every moment or they would do better. This does not mean that what they are doing is good enough, it just means that given their life experience, this is the best they can do at this moment. I believe this about human beings in general, and it helps me to care about people others may judge more harshly. This has allowed me to work with some real characters. They are so relieved to find someone who doesn’t judge them, and from there, we can build a therapeutic alliance so that I can give them a hand out of whatever dark place they find themselves in. My therapy work is a source of great inspiration for me.
7.) How did you go about finding a publisher?
What I like about She Writes Press is that it is an incredibly supportive community of women authors. They distribute their books through the same distribution channels as mainstream publishers, Ingram Publishing Services. This gets my book everywhere, particularly libraries and bookstores, but it is the support that I have received that makes She Writes stand out.
8.) What tips do you have for aspiring writers?
Develop a practice. Some way to get you to write regularly. It does not matter if you don’t know what you are going to write, just write. It is kind of magical how we are really just a channel for what wants to come through us. I really think this. Also, don’t write for an audience. Write your truth. People want the hard core nitty gritty truth. Don’t try to make yourself look good. Just be honest.